Updated: Feb 27
Being queer comes with it’s fair share of expectations. People will misunderstand you, people will stereotype you, people will ridicule and harass you. It’s something we have come to expect and had to learn to live with. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
I myself am aware of my privilege. Whilst being queer still defines me as a minority, I am still a white-cis male. That already comes with it’s fair share of privilege. I have not been disadvantaged by my gender or race, and for that I take active steps to educate myself on how I personally can help to bring down white supremacy. Being queer still comes with it’s disadvantages. Just because the person next to you is in a full body cast doesn’t mean that your broken arm doesn’t hurt. This is going to be more of a story time and an outpour, because the last few days have been a bit poop.
The other night I decided to do one of my mental health and makeup live videos! These are always super fun as I have loads of questions to answer from you guys but the video becomes more intersting as you get to see me and help me do makeup! The difference this time is that my boyfriend joined me! We are locked down together and have been since the start of lockdown. We have not been public about this as we know how hard it was from the first lockdown how hard it is to be away from your partners, so the last thing we wanted to do was make it harder for anyone struggling by thrusting our relationship in everyones faces. Plus we’re just not that sort of couple!
Anyway, so me and Dan were answering questions from you guys whilst he did my makeup, which also ended in me giving bottoming and shaving tips - starting to be more sex positive! Then, some negativity entered. Usually these lives are super fun and almost a little safe space, but some homophobes found their way onto my profile. Not just one, but about 4 or 5. They then started repeatedly harassing me and saying some very abusive things. Usually I just ignore it and carry on, but the comment section was filled with it and I couldn’t take it off of my mind. As much as I tried it just got worse and worse. I could feel myself welling up, so I just quit the live without saying a word.
I then just burst into tears, it was horrible. The fact people even take the time out of their day to find me and just abuse me is so shit. Of course everyone said the usual, “don’t take it to heart”, “they don’t mean anything to you”, “they’re clearly sad people” etc etc. Whilst this is all true, it doesn’t take away from the fact they’ve invaded my safe space. You know that feeling of humiliation you get, like you feel so stupid for doing something you care about? My mind just filled with that. I sat there with my ring light, with makeup on and I felt like no one cared. I had that feeling of “I look so stupid, what am I even doing?” And it was horrible.
I went through this before when I was abused for days for wearing nail vanish in an ad (which wasn’t helped by the fact my old manager literally didn’t give a shit and showed no willing to try to help me with it or discuss it with the brand). But, last time I got through it. Instead of letting is suppress me and my passions, I let it drive me. When my nails were criticised I grew them out into CLAWS and painted them bold red. So this time, rather than stopping with makeup and feeling ashamed of who I am, here’s me feeling as proud of me as I possibly can.
People will hate you for being you, that won’t ever change. But, should we ever change for them? NO! Now for my favourite P!NK quote:
“We don’t change, we take the gravel and the shell and we make a pearl…We help other people to change so that they can see more kinds of beauty.”
The world is progressing, slowly by surely. Toxic masculinity is gradually being knocked down, queer people are still fighting towards equal rights, things are changing. We don’t let little setbacks like this slow our momentum. We let is serve as a reminder of what we’re fighting for. They haven’t suppressed us by attempting to put us down, if anything they’ve added fuel to our fire and given us more strength than ever to fight.
If you’re needing a bit of advice or motivation to get past these “haters” then here it is:
Weigh up how much it matters - Whenever get criticised it’s going to hurt a little bit at least. When I’m told “Oh they don’t matter they’re just bored” it doesn’t change how I feel. What does change how I feel is when I weigh this up against the amount of support and love I received, because that’s what really matters.
Take some time to think - What is it you really want? The opinion of bigots or anonymous commenters should not have any impact on the way you live your life. If you’re happy, be happy. They’re irrelevant.
We’re here in numbers - There are millions of us, probably billions, of queer people around the world. We’re not going anywhere and we’re here to support each-other.
The reason some people hate me, is the reason that I love me, and that’s all that matters.