How To Keep Your Power With A Toxic Person
Keeping my power is a concept that’s very new to me. I’m learning how important it is, especially for sensitive people. And for people who have mental health issues, people who are marginalized, or people who have been victims in any of the ways that word can mean.
Being around a toxic person is never easy. Hopefully this post can help you understand how to feel safe and ok in those situations. Maybe even thrive sometimes.
I’ve heard statements before like “own your power” or “step into your power,” but to be honest I never took time to consider the real meaning. Let’s do that here together.
Stepping into my power might look like saying no when someone constantly expects me to say yes again and again. Owning my power might look like asking for a promotion even though others don’t feel I deserve it.
As a person, we each have many aspects to ourself. A body, a mind, a heart, an energy or soul body, a spirit; we are all connected physically and spiritually on many levels. We all have current life aspirations, past life gifts to sprinkle life with and past traumas to heal. We all have soul contracts and spiritual destinies to fulfil. And we have free will. When I think about ALL of that, ALL those aspects of myself, I feel pretty powerful. With all of those dimensions of myself there is so much of myself I have yet to understand. How could I expect someone else to fully understand me? This feels like a first step in recognizing and defining my power.
All of those parts of me have a say. All of those parts of me have value. If someone projects an opinion onto me, they likely aren’t seeing all of me. But how would I understand that if I didn’t know the uniqueness of my own ✨TA DA ✨ personal power. My own WHOLE SELF.
So the first major tip to keeping your power with ANYONE is to begin to know yourself. Mediate a bit. Journal with yourself. Write down your fears, your hopes, your values. Take steps to overcome your fears. Fantasize about your desires and then brainstorm some ideas of how to get there. Then watch yourself slowly become an evolved version of yourself. And watch how the Universe sends puzzle pieces to fill in some of those dreams and desires as if by magic ;)
Doesn’t that feel powerful as well? Writing a list can propel miracles to you!
Getting to know yourself authentically strengthens your inner power centres. Making it more difficult for anyone to throw you out of alignment. Don’t get me wrong, there will be what feel like missteps. They can also be part of the magic. Sometimes the most direct catapult to what you do want to feel is knowing EXACTLY what you DON’T want to feel.
That’s not me saying to stay somewhere bad or to justify another person’s bad behaviour. So, what should we do when we’re around someone SUPER toxic; they constantly insult you, they talk behind your back, their own unwillingness to heal gets projected onto you, they manipulate you. You just feel UGH. (A bad encounter is a great reason to go see an energy worker and get help clearing this yuck from your energy body btw.)
But first things first, if you feel unsafe get proper support. I can’t name all the services in your area, but for myself I use counsellors and crisis lines. I’ve contemplated calling our emergency service line. You do you.
Next, here are some practical tips:
Simple tips for that moment:
Remember that most of what they are saying is how they feel about themselves. Think of them as a toddler having a tantrum.
Most of what they say is likely their opinion...their interpretation. Not necessarily a fact.
Deep breaths, a walk and a glass of water are some powerful mitigators.
More advanced tips for that moment:
Stay in your body by consciously sensing your feet, your tummy, your head. Try noticing all three at once.
If you feel yourself shutting down, don’t judge yourself. That’s a survival tactic!
Imagine white light around yourself. Imagine that person turning and walking away from you. Feel how nice that would feel. Stay connected to that yummy feeling.
I’ve had to see a counsellor to get back to my body after some bad relationships. I allow myself to leave my body now because I know how to come back.
For me personally now, my power clicks into alignment when I speak my truth and don’t give a rats’ potato what other people think. It has gotten me into precarious situations and there are limits to be conscious of. But à la Lady Gaga “no more bullshit” and I don’t let anyone tell me about me.
That said, sometimes even I have to know when to walk away. The stereotypes are real. There will be times when Doctors, friends, family, even mental health professionals will not listen to you about your own experience. Just think about the trans community as only one example. Misogyny, homophobia are all real lived experiences. Feel confident being your own best ally. Don’t assume a person of authority is correct just because of the trust society assigns to them. You are the authority on your experience. You can do as much research or search out as many people as you need to in order to find peace, joy and solutions. You can keep your authority on you. You can keep your power.
Big picture, the ULTIMATE way to keep power is to see that person in the light. They are struggling under some nasty beliefs. “Aww. Poor misogynistic bb. Sending you love. Huggggs.” Lol.
Finally, just feel confident enough to walk away. Turn the focus back to yourself. That’s a major power move.
By: Colleen Diamond